


and if it's too late

by ursus_mari



Series: morgwen playlist [3]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:02:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26764036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ursus_mari/pseuds/ursus_mari
Summary: Morgana sees it from across the battlefield, Gwen wielding a sword and one of the men of today’s cooperating warlord--power hungry and clearly already planning to get rid of Morgana, per the usual--ready to run her through.She moves without even really thinking about it.
Relationships: Gwen/Morgana (Merlin)
Series: morgwen playlist [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1950574
Comments: 12
Kudos: 22





	and if it's too late

**Author's Note:**

  * For [heyHEYOhSorry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyHEYOhSorry/gifts).



> @heyheyohsorry on tumblr gave me Lost One by Jazmine Sullivan (which is heartbreaking and also very Morgwen), so here's this.
> 
> Title is from the song in question
> 
> (please do note that I didn't do any research on how injuries work)

Morgana sees it from across the battlefield, Gwen wielding a sword and one of the men of today’s cooperating warlord--power hungry and clearly already planning to get rid of Morgana, per the usual--ready to run her through. 

She moves without even really thinking about it.

Because she’s not thinking, she doesn’t reach for her magic. Instead, she shoves Gwen out of the way and takes a sword to the gut for her trouble, and the world whites out in a blinding flash of pain for a moment.

When her vision clears, she finds herself on the ground and Gwen brandishing her sword at the bandit, growling, “Don’t _touch_ her.”

The bandit backs off but gives Morgana a little smirk, like _my lord will be pleased._

With the threat gone, Gwen looks to Morgana with horror in her face. “Morgana--”

She’s cut off by another bandit’s charge, and she curses while fending him off. It’s funny, Morgana doesn’t remember her being so good with a sword. Morgana had tried to teach her, once, but Gwen had laughed and told her that a maidservant had no need for a sword, even a maidservant who had a blacksmith for a father.

“Besides,” she’d said, shy and teasing all at once, “I’ve got you to protect me, haven’t I?”

That’d been before Gwen had been thrown in the dungeons and nearly executed, before Ealdor, before her father died at the hands of Uther’s men, before she was held captive by a warlord. Before Morgana and her sister had taken over Camelot.

Morgana supposes Gwen hadn’t been able to afford softness, had had to learn how to defend herself. But still, looking at her, battle hardened and cutting down bandits with no hesitation, Morgana barely recognizes her.

Gwen finishes fending off the latest bandit and grabs Morgana to carry her inside the castle. Morgana winces at the jostling, her stomach still burning with pain.

Gwen shuts them in an empty room and barricades the door then turns to Morgana with a scowl.

“Alright, what’s the scheme this time? Gain our trust and betray us again, taking down Camelot in the process?” Gwen is angry, eyes narrowed and jaw set, but she also looks terrified, hands clenched tight in her tunic.

Morgana barks a laugh then lets out a little involuntary sound of pain, eyes closing tight. “Even… if I were… planning to betray you…” She tries for a smile. Gwen just looks at her, hurt and angry and scared. Morgana hopes she’s not scared of her. “I don’t think... I’m going to survive… long enough…”

“Shut up,” Gwen says, high and fast. Her eyes dart from Morgana’s face to her stomach and back again. “Just… shut up. You’re a sorceress, you-- you can heal yourself, you’re just trying to get me to trust you again.”

Morgana doesn’t have the energy to laugh, breath escaping in a wheeze, so she tries for another tired smile. It’s undermined a bit by her wincing in pain, the wound in her stomach throbbing. “Do I… look like I’m… in a state to… do magic?”

Gwen raises her hands to clutch in her hair and just stares for a moment, eyes wide and breathing heavy. She closes her eyes tight, curses softly, and reaches for a box in the corner, digging through it with desperation.

Morgana blinks. “What... are you…”

Gwen presses a cloth to her wound, and Morgana’s vision goes white again. She thinks she might even scream, but she’s too busy trying to breathe properly and to ignore the horrible pain that seems to make her up to be ashamed.

“Wh--”

Gwen presses a finger to her lips. “I told you not to talk.”

Morgana attempts to sit up, but Gwen presses her down.

“I’ve been trying to forget you, you know,” Gwen says in a tone that tries for conversational, but she’s betrayed by the waver in her voice. She presses down a little harder as she talks, and Morgana lets out a cry. “I keep driving myself insane, trying to figure out why you did the things you did, or why it’s so hard to hate you.”

Morgana opens her eyes and stares at Gwen in shock. “Wh--”

More pressure to her stomach again. Morgana bites back the cry this time, but her breath still escapes her in a hoarse gasp. “You’re not very good with instructions, are you? You never were, I suppose.” Gwen tries to smile, but there’s panic in the set of her jaw and her white knuckles and how fast she breathes. “I don’t understand… I don’t understand _you_ , why would you…”

Morgana reaches to remove Gwen’s hand from her face and take it in her hand. If she’s going to die, maybe she can take just a bit of what she lost with her. She closes her eyes, breathes in, and relaxes as much as she can. “Love you,” she murmurs.

She hears Gwen’s sharp intake of breath. “You don’t get to-- you _can’t_ \-- not after what you _did_ \--”

Morgana feels a wet drop on her face, and she realizes Gwen is crying. She opens her eyes and tries to give Gwen the most reassuring look she can manage around the edges of her pain. “‘M sorry… missed you…”

“Stop it, stop it, _stop!”_ Gwen’s voice and hands shake. “You’re not…”

Morgana’s known, for a bit, that she’s gone wrong. She’s thought of what she’s done and felt sick to her stomach. It changed with Morgause gone, dead, and no one to fuel her righteous, vengeful anger. At least this way, she’s done one good thing. “You… you’re good.”

“Morgana--”

“‘M not.” Morgana closes her eyes again and drops her head to the floor. Her vision was going fuzzy around the edges anyway. “‘M bad. For the best.”

Gwen lets out a sob. “Stop, please…”

Morgana opens her eyes, lets go of Gwen’s hand, and presses hers to Gwen’s mouth. “Remember… me?”

Gwen’s broken noises are muffled, but they hurt Morgana anyway. There’s so much she’s done wrong, but loving Gwen was the best thing she’s ever done. If only she hadn’t mucked that up too, Gwen might not be looking at Morgana like her heart is breaking.

If Morgana had her way, Gwen would never be hurt again, and certainly not over her.

Gwen pulls Morgana’s hand away from her mouth, and Morgana’s too weak to put up a struggle. Gwen holds her hand tight, a mirror of Morgana earlier.

“You stormed my home, you killed my friends, you betrayed me and everyone I love.” Gwen’s voice shakes, but she manages to sound remarkably steady in spite of it. “You don’t get to make me _care…”_

Yeah, fair enough. Still, Morgana feels the sting of rejection even as she starts to feel her limbs go numb. It shouldn’t hurt, she _knows_ what she’s done… 

“I loved you, you stupid, traitorous, arrogant…” Gwen’s voice does break a little this time. “If you’d just _told me_ , I could have helped you…”

“‘M sorry…”

“ _Dammit_ , Morgana…”

Black crowds Morgana’s vision. She blinks, tries to clear it best she can, and takes Gwen in. Gwen is dirty and her clothes are torn and her face is screwed up with emotions Morgana can’t even begin to place. Morgana thinks she’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. If she has to die, she’s glad this will be the last sight she’ll ever see.

She reaches to cup Gwen’s face but doesn’t quite have the strength. So she smiles as best she can and says, “Be… happy.”

“You…”

And the world goes dark.

* * *

_“There’s just one thing--you don’t have to--but… remember me?”_

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me [@ursus-mari](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/ursus-mari) on tumblr, if you are so inclined
> 
> You could _also_ send me a Morgwen song there!


End file.
